I am convinced that the one influence best-calculated to secure the damnation of every soul in America is the retail-mall parking lot.
- You: The one backing into your parking space. Yes, you. You are not as good at that as you think you are. More often than not, you slop over into one of the adjacent spaces. Sometimes you make the hat trick. Why are you backing in? To get out faster? What, you don't want to lose seconds when Commissioner Gordon calls? The time you save from not having to back out of your space was more than wiped out by the time you took in the much harder task of backing in.
- Sometimes you manage to crowd or cross one of the side lines without backing in. Consider this: You are expressing more faith than is probably warranted in my ability to park without ripping your fender off.
- Here is a concept: Parking is not an end in itself. The reason you are parking your car in a mall parking lot is so you can get into the mall. If you spend three minutes waiting for a "good" parking space that saves you thirty seconds of walking, you have, in point of fact, lost.
- Listen carefully: Every second of your own time you waste in the parking lot wastes the time of the five other people behind you. You are supposed to care about this.
- Do not follow me as I walk to my parking space. I can evade you by dashing over to the next aisle, and I'll do it. If you honk while I sit in my car (doing business unknown to you, but needful none the less), I will take a nap.
- The arrows on the pavement are there for a reason. They mean that the spaces are canted for angled parking. If you wonder why all the spaces require you to turn through more than a right angle to get into, that is the reason. Also, the aisle between the parking spaces is almost certainly too narrow for two cars to pass. That is why you often find yourself head-on against other cars, with nowhere to go.
And of course, every time some dimwit does one of these things, I sink deeper and deeper into blasphemy.
|@ February 3, 2006 10:15:01 PM CST ( )|